Whenever I post something on here, it seems like I'm angry about it, even if I just want to talk about it... so I'm not angry, I promise!

I'm sick (again), so I've had a pretty boring day.  I talked to a couple people, watched some TV, took a ridiculous amount of medication that did nothing, watched Ferris Bueller's Day Off and True Grit, and slept.  What bugs me at times when I am feeling altogether crappy is feeling lonely or unwanted.  You may say, aren't those pretty similar?  I suppose so, but here's the difference.  Lonely is when you aren't talking to anyone, haven't been talking to anyone, and know that you won't be talking to anyone soon.  Loneliness is bearable, because it is gone as soon as you make the effort to talk to someone.  Unwantedness (yes, that's now a word) is much worse.  Feeling unwanted gets inside your mind.  It is when you were talking to someone, and they leave.  Not just a, "Oh, I've got to go eat dinner," but specifically, "I've got to go hang out with people other than you."  This happened to me three imes today, and while they were all totally valid excuses, it made me feel like crap.  Don't think that I have any problems with my friends hanging out with other people than me, because I don't.  However, this overwhelming feeling of, "Why the hell does nobody want to talk to ME?" comes over me, and it sucks.  There isn't a solution to this, because they're in situations that would be weird for them to be texting someone.  But at the same time, this makes me look into things more than I should.  I have massive insecurity meltdowns in my brain when I feel like crap and something gets added to my stress.  Two of the people that stopped texting me today caused a meltdown.  This is pretty much how it went down in my brain.

"Oh, they have to go hang out with [blank]."

"That's weird, they're always texting when they're hanging out with me."

"In fact, they're always texting [blank]!"

"How come they text [blank] when they're with me, but won't text me when they're with [blank]?!?!?!"

"They must like [blank] way more than me." 

 *shoves chocolate into mouth and resumes Tumbling*

 So yeah.  It's not like I'm ticked off or anything, but that was my mini-meltdown of the day.  I hope it amused you :)

Scarf color: Black and White