On the plus side, my eyes look pretty when I cry...

Why do I get called a whore for dating the person I like?  Why does the person calling me a whore get sympathy?  And why, after all of this, do we still have to share?  Some people choose to be blind and live in a fantasy world.  So 'll just come right out and say it: you are the only person that can make this end, and someday, you'll have to choose.  You're going to lose one of us, and while it won't be soon, you're going to have to make a decision.

People don't get it...

I don't understand why people are like this.  Seriously.  Why does everybody rally to the kid that lies, spreads rumors, and hates people based on who they date?  I don't know why it takes me talking about nightmares for people to say, "Wow, this is really bothering you, isn't it?"  Even then, no one does anything.  Actually, not no one.  Just the people that count.  Plenty of people have tried to help, but I guess I just kept holding out hope that the one person who mattered would pick me.  To be fair, the other kid feels like this too.  But the fact that I put all of my faith into this person and he thinks that "it has to be this way" just makes me feel sad and unloved.  I really would rather not be n this situation, but here I am.  Having the constant feeling that if I do anything wrong, he other kid wins my boyfriend really sucks.  It has made me completely dependent.  Which is kind of the worst when they're hanging out tomorrow night and I don't get to hang out with him.  At all.  For all of our break.  I know that it's not intentional, but after awhile, I start to wonder if I'm not good enough.  I really just want this whole ordeal to end, and nobody will ever do anything about it.

If I see one more freaking post about this stupid freaking Lady Gaga contest, I am going to throw my computer at a wall.

There are times when I just want to give up.  I had such an amazing day today, but I am so not happy right now. There are times when I want to say, "You know what, I don't need this.  I might not be able to get any guy I want, but I can find someone who cares more about me than you."  But I never would, because that same person makes me happier than anyone else.  However, when I have to tell him to care more, it kind of ruins the point of a relationship.  At this point, he'll either start acting like he cares, he'll dump me, or I'll deal with always feeling mediocre.  I change the way I think of myself to how my boyfriend thinks of me (I know, depressing), so maybe I'll just quit caring in public.