Sickness and Happiness

The time has come again when I must become ill.  I don't get legitimately sick very often, but when I do, it's a zinger.  However, the events of the last week have been so fantastic that it almost makes up for my fever of 100.8 degrees.

The thing that made my week so wonderful is (shocker, I know) my boyfriend.  He came over on a day that we had off of school, and he got snowed in for two blissful days.  We went sledding (or attempted to), watched movies, and just got to spend some quality time together!  I really love being with him, and it was sooo nice.  

The only bad part about all of this... we were no more than five feet from each other for days.  Which means that he will almost definitely get sick.  Which makes me feel horrible and guilty.  :'(

Some of the good things about being sick:

• Watching Harry Potter
• Reading
• Having your boyfriend text you adorable things <3 <3 <3  

Sorry for this scatterbrained post, but I can't think right now... umkay bye!

Scarf color: I'm too freaking hot already

Now that I know that people actually checking this blog, I feel obligated to write something...

Hello, mah peeps!

I've made a decision recently, and it's actually making a pretty big difference in how I feel about myself.  As I've mentioned, there's been a lot of drama surrounding me recently, and I was obviously pretty angry about it.  I was starting to feel legitimately bad about myself.  It got to the point that I would lay awake for hours thinking about how horrible of a person I was.  I talked to my best friend and my boyfriend about it, which would make me feel better for the moment, but I'd just start feeling bad again soon after.

The thing that finally changed how I was handling the situation was a talk that I had with my Sunday School teacher.  She's a guidance counselor, and I've been telling her about how my week went after class since the beginning of the year.  She always gives good advice, but this situation really caught her interest.  She got pretty concerned about everything that was going on, and started off by telling me the usual... "Just be the bigger person!"  Instead of smiling and nodding, as I do when my parents tell me that kind of thing, I told her flat out that I wasn't sure if I could be the bigger person.  She went on to tell me about her views on being the bigger person.  She helped me realize some things that I needed to understand.

• While I got immediate satisfaction by complaining bitterly to some of my close friends, what did it really do to help?  Nothing.  
• If I don't feed the flames, eventually the fire will have to go out.  I know that a lot of other people are helping him keep up a good head of steam, I won't help it along.
• I refuse to make this a bad situation for my boyfriend.  I feel so bad for him, as his best friend hates his girlfriend.  But I am trying as hard as I can to just take the pressure off of him, because I don't want him to push me or his friend away.

Since I've refused to talk to anyone besides my boyfriend about this whole situation, I've felt SO much better!  Even though I wish that things could be different, I understand that I can't do anything, and I'm not going to give anyone an excuse to hate me.  I think that if people consciously tried to stay above drama, we just wouldn't have it.  Well, I hope that all of y'all take this to heart, and I wish you luck staying above all of this!

Scarf color: Gryffindor (Burgundy and Gold)

Taking A Moment/ Insecurities

I desperately need a break from studying, so this seemed like a good place to go.  Lately, I've been realizing something about myself that I really dislike.  I am a very insecure person.  While I can be very confident, my brain loves to play little tricks on me to get me to doubt myself.  This has been happening more and more often with the arrival of, you guessed it, a boyfriend.  I want to make it abundantly clear: THIS IS MY PROBLEM, NOT HIS!  He is wonderful, and he always makes me feel great about myself.  The problem is that, when we aren't together, I get this horrible, nagging feeling in the back of my mind.  I keep feeling like, while he likes me, I like him wayyyyy more.  These feelings are usually crushed when we hang out again, but until then, I become more and more miserable.  Obviously, I'm not going to complain to him every time that this happens, because it would be way too often, and it's not like he could change anything that he does.  I'll tell you what, when you really really like somebody, you start to realize how much you care about what they think.  Ugh.  I keep getting this feeling set off by stupid little things, and it just won't stop.  Oy vey, reading this over, I just need to grow some self confidence.

 Scarf: Multicolored flowers

In my dreams, he was with me all night.  In reality, he's miles away...

I Need To Stop Complaining, But This Must Be Blogged

Is it possible for me to date the guy I like without complications?  No.  No, it is not.  I feel that sometimes, I have problems that most teenage girls don't have when it comes to guys.  For instance, do most girls have their boyfriend's best friend (we'll call him... Matt) mad at them because they recently discovered that they are bi, and they like him too?  I feel like that's not too common.  I am now in the position of Matt, one of my old friends, hating me.  We used to be really close, but apparently he views me as a threat now.  Have I mentioned that my boyfriend is completely straight, and that therefore, he could not possibly date Matt?  Meanwhile, Matt has told my three best friends that he hates me.  Which, of course, one of them told me about.  And the thing is, if Matt were to find out about that, he would be super pissed off.  Because, of course, "they had no right to tell me."  Also, besides my friends that he told, he told half of our music department.  So pretty much anything that I do, I am going to look like a bitch.  I stay with my boyfriend (which is obviously what I am doing), I'm rubbing it in Matt's face (according to him) that I can be with him and he can't.  I break up with him (which is SO not going to happen), I am being a bitch, because I would be breaking up with a guy that I like an incredible amount for no reason.  So woo-hoo.  Life is a bitch.

Scarf: Black and White

Why I Dislike People-- #2

I am a relatively smart person.  I'm in high classes, I get good grades, and I understand a lot of things.  Which is why it really upsets me to be called into my English teacher's classroom after school for a 45 minute talk on everything that went wrong in my research paper.  I mean, criticism helps me to a point, but having my paper completely picked apart and being told that it will be graded as is upsets me a little bit.  To make all of this worse, I hate people.  Especially people who enjoy making my self esteem fall.  Especially when I'm friends with those people, and they are my boyfriend's best friend.  I can usually just roll my eyes or ignore this kid's comments, but when he says things designed to hurt me, I mean really hurt me, it works.  He knows things that I'm sensitive about, so he can come up with just the wrong thing to say.  When he says stuff about my relationship, I want to blow it off, but I can't.  He knows both of us really well, and I can't deny that some of the stuff that he says may be true.  Ugh.  I need some sleep.

Scarf color: Gryffindor (Burgundy and Gold)

Why I Dislike People-- #1

Sometimes, people piss me off.  I will tell you why in a a fairytale format.

Once upon a time, there was a lovely princess.  She had a boyfriend who was a prince, and she liked him very, very much.  They had hung out over winter solstice at his castle, and she told a couple of her ladies in waiting about stuff that had happened.  They wanted to keep their private lives private, so she swore them to secrecy.  However, there was an evil witch in the kingdom of Chem, and she saw that the princess had something in her notes... a letter from one of the ladies in waiting!  They had been writing down their conversation so that people wouldn't eavesdrop, but now the witch knew everything!  The princess and the witch talked, because the princess didn't know that the witch was evil, and the witch had even given up some of her secrets to the princess!  But it was too late.  The witch had already dispatched the message of the princess's personal life to her minions, and people far and wide heard about it.  The prince and the princess talked about it, and while they were angry with the witch, they decided that their love would conquer the evil in the end.  And they all lived happily ever after.

Bleh.  People suck.

Scarf: Boyfriend's Gift (Blue stripes)

TRON: Legacy in Disney Digital 3D

A combination of The Matrix, Star Wars, Inception, and The Big Lebowski.  The only problem: total lack of originality.

TRON was my first movie of 2011, and it was a disappointment.  While the special effects were stunning, the money that they spent on every detail of every fight scene would have been better spent on a decent screenwriter.  The plot and dialogue of TRON made me embarrassed for the people involved in the movie.  The plot had potential, but it soon became apparent that all but one minor character would remain static throughout the movie.  This could have been saved by a witty or inspiring script, but the lines were better suited for a trailer than an actual movie.

The worst for me was one of the main characters: Flynn.  A father who had designed an alternate world, comprable to a video game, and had gotten trapped inside of it.  This is where The Big Lebowski comes in.  Jeff Bridges, the man who played Flynn, has a demographic that he fits into.  Namely, a stoner named The Dude.  I expected him to distinguish himself from his past role, but instead, he seemed to incorporate it into this movie.  He becomes a mixture of a Jedi and The Dude, which was just unsettling.  When a man is unable to end a sentence with a word other than "man," I begin to wonder if he could really have written a code for another world.

I, of course, shelled out the extra three bucks to see the film in 3D.  What a waste.  The experience would have been exactly the same in 2D, and also would have allowed me to purchase a snack.  The only plus is the fact that I can keep the cool glasses... although they are technically stolen.

In short, TRON was impressive in its special effects, but the level of understanding required to follow the plot made me feel like I was losing IQ points.  If you want to see a movie for the action scenes, go for it, but if you want to see a quality movie, don't spend the money.    

Scarf: Boyfriend's Gift (Blue stripes)